open on an office building where the workday is in full swing. cut to the IT office where we find IT guy 1 sitting in front of a computer. he contorts his face in anger and then slams his fist on the desk. IT guy 2 comes into view, clearly more dishevelled and less caring about work than IT guy 1. he wears a hawaiian shirt and khakis
itguy2: dude what's the problem? did you lose at tetris again?
itguy1: no, ass. some of us do ACTUAL work around here.
2: sheesh it was just a joke. what is your problem?
1: i just got ANOTHER complaint about disapearing user profiles
2: thats 5 today. i think we have a hacker on our hands
1: looks like its a 'deleto'
2: oooh. you better go tell (pause for effect) 'the boss'
cut to the closed door of the boss' office (the door just says "the boss" in black letters)
1: are you kidding? do you remember what happened when Todd told him the copier went down 2 months ago?
cut flashback of a third IT guy going into the office of the boss, the door opens and white light and smoke can be seen coming from the opening. he steps inside and the door closes behind him. -short pause- then screaming, perhaps that of a child. the door opens and slowly IT guy 3 comes back out. his face is locked in a horrified stare. his pants are soiled with his own urine. without saying a word he walks into the corner and begins pounding his head against the wall. cut back to ITguy 1 and 2.
2: wow yeah. todd was never the same...
1: he pounded his head against that wall for 3 straight hours.
2: why did we wait so long to stop him again?
1: he was covered in his own urine!
2: oh. right.
1: it wasnt until he started bleeding that I braved the pee-pee
2: we should really consider calling the maintenance dudes to clean that massive blood stain off the wall...
pan to HUGE blood stain, clearly brown and aged on the wall.
2: alright, so we have to take on this deleto hacker ourselves?
1: thats right. let's do this.
2: aw man... that means we have to do WORK stuf--
1: --I SAID LET'S DO THIS! (pumps a fist into the air)
montage - flashes of the two ITguys typing furiously at the machines, ITguy2 sprays water into ITguy1's mouth, back to typing, flash to them eating pizza as if nothing is wrong looking at each other then suddenly throwing the pizza into the air and running to their respective desks, back to more typing, flash to ITguy1 looking over at ITguy2 to see him scream in torment and then lean over to a garbage can and puke into it. ITguy1 stands, runs over to ITguy2 and holds him up
1: wow, you need a break!
2: (panting) no. ive almost got it!
1: but at what expense?
2: (panting less) i just had too much pizza. i cant stop. i have to beat this score...
1: it's ok, i can do this alo-- wait. beat WHAT score?
itguy1 looks at ITguy2's screen to see he has been playing tetris the entire time
1: what the hell is this?
2: i was gonna help, but the siren-song of my russian mistress is just too seductive!
1: UGH! (pushes ITguy2 back down and goes back to his desk) i'll do this... (pause cut to closeup of ITguy1's eyes) myself!
2: (off screen as ITguy1 types) aww you pushed me back into the puke! its everywhere! this is my best work shirt!
ITguy1 types for a very short amount of time and then looks horrified
1: oh no... he... he got the entire file server. all of those profiles... just... gone! it looks like i have no choice now. i have to tell the boss, and get what's coming to me...
as he stands, a new email message comes through and he reads it - 'oh hay, sorry i was deleting some stuff from the server and it looks like the exchange server went down, plz go to the server room and reboot it kthxbai. signed, da Boss'
1: no. NO... it can't be... it can't be deleto couldnt be...
ITguy1 runs to the door of the boss and pushes it open. There he finds the boss sitting in a dark room with multiple monitors and keyboards on his desk. he is wearing sunglasses and humming the 'mission impossible theme' aloud to himself. Itguy1 turns on the lights
1: BOSS? YOU'RE deleto?
theBoss: (takes off his sunglasses) oh hey. i accidentally deleted some stuff that we need. i couldnt really see which files they were through these sunglasses, but the looked so damned cool, i had to keep em on. so you have to work overtime to restore it. k? thanks bye. (wave's him off, puts back on his sunglasses, starts humming again and then sings the words) i'm a leet hacker!
ITguy1 stands stunned for a moment and then lets out a blood curdling scream, and soils himself. without moving his horrified face from the screaming position, he turns and walks out of the boss' office, walks toward the blood stain in the corner, and begins pounding his head on the wall. ITguy2 gets up and wipes his mouth off
2: well That issue is resolved. back to doing whats really important here (plays more tetris)
credits roll to the song 'like a boss' by lonely island
END
edits - at the end of the montage, whtn ITG1 is trying to stop the hacker, he pulls the plug in an over the top, herculean show of force to stop the damage the hacker is doing, instead of the hacker taking down the entire system.
when ITG1 goes into the boss' office, after the discovery is made, he asks the boss "why are yo doing this?" the boss either looks at him blankly, or gives some completely over the top show of ineptitude as an answer.
characters need names. giving them more personality is a must. you have to be able to see exactly what their places are immediately for this to be funny. job/office hierarchy is reversed from ability/sanity hierarchy. you have to know that intuitively for it to be funny to the audience. this is all in the delivery and performance/direction of the sketch.
the boss needs to come off as a COMPLETE MORON. this is the entire sketch.
