OnStar parody idea

GoStar Sketch Idea

An employee of GoStar is walking by a series of other employees on headsets. The voices of the customers can be heard as well. The Host is very happy, infomercial type enthusiasm until the last line.

Host: Here at GoStar, we take pride in helping people.

Voice: Uh, so yeah, I just went to run into the grocery store and-

Employee #1: It's ok sir, it happens to the best of us. Your car should be unlocking itself now.

Host: Why let life's problems slow you down more than they should?

Voice: Yeah, we're right around mile marker 10, the tire just blew out-

Employee #2: Don't worry sir, one of our repair trucks is on its way. You'll be on your way in no time

Host: And if you're in an accident, you can't be sure you can reach your cell phone. GoStar is always there for you.

Voice: Oww, my head, it hurts to move-

Employee #3: Don't worry ma'am, paramedics are the way. I'll stay on the line with you until they arrive. Everything is going to be ok.

Host: We're also there in the worst of times, when perhaps its not going to all be ok.

Voice: Hckgh, blood, taste...blood, smells like burning feathers...going black...hckg

Employee #4 (disturbed): Sir? Sir? Are...are you still there?

Host: Sometimes all the adults, they get knocked unconscious.

Voice (of a hysterical small child): Mommy! Mommy wake up! My leg hurts, mommy. (blood curdling screech) MOMMY!

Employee #5: I...it'll...be fine. Oh God

Host: Sometimes, it's even worse than that.


This sound plays

Employee #6 stands, face aghast, slowly begins sobbing. He reaches behind his back and pulls out a gun, you see this just as the hosts fully walks by and Employee #6 is leaving the frame.

Host: A lot of us kill ourselves.

Gunshot

END