The meta-sketch

So, where this comes from is that I thought up the joke "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Also, goblins." And then I realized that it was cliche, and stupid, so I ended the joke by acknowledging that it was cliche and stupid. And then I realized that that, also, was cliche and stupid, and hence, this sketch:

1 - As that one president said once, we have nothing to fear, but fear itself. Also, goblins.

2 - Wait, no, that’s not funny.

1 - What? Being afraid of goblins isn’t funny? Are you saying that just because goblins are worthy of fear and therefore the statement that they are scary is normal and mundane and not absurd at all?

2 - No, I’m saying that it’s cliche.

1 - I have never heard the joke before with goblins in it.

2 - I mean, the form of the joke is cliche. “We have nothing to fear but some random stupid thing.” It’s cliche. It’s not funny.

3 - Woah, woah, woah, guys. Did I just hear you correctly? Acknowledging a corny, shitty joke as a corny shitty joke - that’s not funny, either. There is nothing more cliche.

2 - Oh? What about romantic comedies?

1 - Or happy endings?

2 - A lone cop who doesn’t play by the rules who’s out to avenge his fallen partner?

1 - A fantasy hero whose idyllic lifestyle is destroyed when an army burns his village and rapes his mother?

3 - Shut the fuck up, #1. Okay, I get it. There are things more cliche, but that doesn’t make acknowledging how terrible your joke is less cliche.

2 - And you’re going to rescue it by acknowledging as cliche the art of acknowledging your joke as cliche?

3 - Yes. That is what I’m doing.

1 - Well, good job, then. Hooray for us!

3 - Shut the fuck up, #1.

2 - But that’s dumb. It’s still the basic form of the joke. Just repeating it again doesn’t make it fresh.

3 - Yes it does.

2 - What if I told two knock-knock jokes in a row? Does that make it fresh?
3 - Knock knock.

(pause)

2 - (sighing) Who’s there?

3 - Knock knock.

2 - Knock knock who?

3 - Banana.

(pause)

3 - Oh, come on, #2. You fucked up my joke! You have to say “who’s there?” when I say “knock knock.”

2 - The hell I do.

3 - Let’s do it again. Knock knock.

(pause)

3 - I said “knock knock,” motherfucker! You have to reply!

2 - I did. I triggered the silent alarm, and the police are here to arrest you for being a jackass.

3 - Yeah, well, I shoot them. With a gun.

2 - They have kevlar.

3 - My gun can go through that. I kill all the cops.

2 - Yeah, well, that gives you another Wanted star, so the FBI are after you.

3 - Wait, are we talking about GTA now?

1 - Oh, good game.

3 - Shut the fuck up, #1.

2 - Wait, #3. Are you referencing The Big Lebowski?

3 - Well, yeah.

1 - The big what-now?

2 - It’s a movie from, like, the 90s. There’s a scene where a character keeps telling another one to shut the fuck up.

1 - Oh, that’s pretty funny.

3 - Shut the fuck up -

2 - No! Goddammit! We’re not referencing movie lines! That’s even worse than cliche jokes!

3 - No, it’s good, because it’s a better movie than is usually referenced.

2 - #1 hasn’t even seen the movie! I’m just assuming that, because you’re an idiot.

1 - No, you’re right. I thought it was a very clever, original joke. Guess I was wrong, #3.

3 - You can’t judge my jokes based on how stupid #1 is!

2 - Well, i can judge them because nothing is stupider than referencing a movie line.

1 - What about Scientology?

3 - Or man nipples?

1 - Or -

2 - Fuck you guys, we’re not doing that again. Just because it’s a good, relatively niche film does not make referencing it better. It’s the entire form of the joke that’s at fault.

3 - Are you saying that I make terrible jokes?

1 - Yes.

3 - (pulls out a gun, shoots #1)

2 - Oh, great. Finishing a sketch by murdering someone who disagrees with you. That’s original.

3 - So is sarcasm, dickwad. (Shoots #2, then sighs) Who am I going to make jokes to now? (shoots himself)

(pause)

1 - I’m a zombie now!

2 & 3, in unison - NO!

1 - (sighs) Alright.